What is the church? Lately it seems there is a strong advocacy to focus on a singular definition that emphasizes the church as merely me - I am the church. Consequently I have heard it said that whereever I go, goes the church, and, to follow the thought, I need not "go" to church because I am the church. With that has come a great deal of criticism for the structures of buildings and a subsequent judgement that all who gather in buildings are cooperating with a dysfunctional and less-than-biblical ideology. Hmmm. This is hardly what I see as a New Testament concept.
Scripturally we understand that the church is clearly a collection - of lively stones, or of body parts, or of a grouping of warriors that working together accomplish something. A brick alone does not ever reflect the whole, as does a hand, or foot or eye and neither is it functioning as a church without connections to its other parts. And once it has made the connections, neither is the focus of that collective group for its own purpose but exists to accomplish work of sorts - be that to house something, do something or defeat something.
When I think of the church I think about an active, dynamic, healthy, aggressive, advancing group of people who are, among themselves, coming into maturity because of the "rub" of stone upon stone - the kind of maturity that comes when we have to confront one another because there has been offenses, forgive one another because we got close enough to be bothered by each other's "stuff" and to care for one another because we became aware of each other's needs. This takes the building of relationships, involvement and commitment. To say this has happened among those that gather in a building is of course presumptuous but equally as presumptuous is to suggest that staying away from buildings will result in these kinds of relationships. There are five kinds of people needed to bring any "church" into maturity - they are apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers. These people are clearly called by God, sent by God to be a part of groups of people and grow them up. I shutter to think of the immaturity of individuals who believe they can make it on their own, be "the church" without accountability, or by picking and choosing their own diet and/or leaders. One of the downsides of democracy is we come to believe that we are the masters to choose our own leaders and be our own guides. This is not scripturally true.
First of all the church is not "ours" - it is God's. Christ is the head of the church.
Secondly, in any given locality it is God's business to call people to that locality, to that harvest and to put together the ministries needed to not only reach (which some will do better than others) but to teach (which some will do better than others), pray and be led prophetically (which some will do better than others), care and nurture (which some.... ok, you get my drift.) I think if God has put us together with a certain group we had better pray long and hard before we start moving away from that group because in my experience, usually when I want to leave it is because I'm getting a little arrogant and thinking I am a little above those who are leading me. Part of the five-fold ministry gifts is the confirmation they offer when it is God's timing to make changes. Each of those ministry gifts offers us a certain kind of fence - pastors fence us in to work out loving relationships, teachers fence us in to living biblical, apostles fence us in to going in the right directions and accomplishing the right goals, prophets fence us in to waiting on God's timing, and evangelists fence us in by keeping our eyes looking outward and not becoming enmeshed with each other. As the church is a living organism we do wander around the road somewhat like a drunken sailor dropping into ditches at times, but GOD is faithful, to call us back to the straight and narrow.
I am weary partly because of the pervasively negative attitude that exists towards the "church" - the one that Jesus said He would build. By what some people say, He isn't much of a builder. Ok, so I have been there - no pointing fingers. But God has convicted me of late that the puposes of God for my life will never be done without being connected to others - and without patient, persistent prayer. Maybe the problem isn't with the church at all, but in myown lack of commitment and obedience and pursuit of God.
OK, so challenge me. What are your thoughts...

Beginnings

I have a website, once devoted to ministry, now devoted to my counseling enterprise and unavailable it seems for my spiritual/relational panderings. I wrestle out loud with my frustrations and inward cries to reconcile my present experiences with my inner faith, my love for the church, for the advancement of the Kingdom.

I'm disturbed with life in general. I am disturbed by the church, and that takes in its many definitions. I'm disturbed about being the church, about advancing the kingdom of God. I am concerned with reaching into people's lives and offering them the REAL answer and not a band-aid. I am afraid about being accountable - about having them say, I knew her, I talked to her, I came to her, but never once did she tell me of Jesus - the healer, the deliverer, the Savior. I wrestle with my responsibility to them, to my "profession", to not rushing, or pushing, and yet not delaying. I am ashamed of the times I have soft-pedaled, acted objectively distant, affirmed their choices when I knew their choices would fail them and knew that my presentation was less than honest, and I was less than True.

In my own struggle I want to blame - I want to accuse the "church" - those out there with better gifts than I - evangelists who seem to relate so well, say it so easily and eloquently. I want to blame the church for not being there with a ready-made cell group or meeting place so that I can hand them a "spiritual referral" and know that someone will say what needs to be said and lead them to Jesus. I want to be angry at others for their own unavailability and at myself for my own awkwardness and fear.

And so I stumble along, waiting, hoping, praying and searching for the moment, the shoe-in, the open-door. I do not want to bring my own agenda but I must in honesty say I have one. If my agenda is God - God is the answer, you must begin with God, surrender to God, and lay the foundations of your life on obeying God, then yes, that is my agenda. But I am told that I must not push, I must not offend, I have a professional responsibility because I work with companies, "unsuspecting" clients.

So then, waivering, unsettled in my own mind, I feel at times that I am compelled to just listen, affirm, support and encourage positive affirmative actions. I must celebrate their good efforts, and listen patiently, identify their goals and cooperate with their agendas even if in the end they are ineffective and self-deceiving becuase they are void of God and His power.

And so I wrestle.....waiting, floundering, allowing myself at times to slide into silence, encouraging, supporting positive attempts. At other times I apply Biblical ideals such as forgiveness and hopefulness but wondering if loving actions and attitudes will work just because they are build on biblical principles. And if they do will the relationship last? Will the peace hold steady? How long will biblical principles work if the heart is still self-reliant and independent of God? Do I really believe that because I help restore a relationship, bridge the distance, help people find their way back to loving a partner, that that marriage or relationship will work in the end without God at its source? And here-in I struggle.